Falling in love and getting married is easy. However, divorce may end up being one of the hardest things you go through and can be a lot more complicated than people think. Your whole life will change and if you have children with your spouse, their lives will also change. While we do encounter some divorces wherein both parties are ecstatic to be getting a divorce, most of the families we represent are not. A divorce can cause you to experience a roller coaster of emotions.
A marriage is often a primary support system wherein we desire love, care, advice, security and a partnership from. When two become one, so do the issues of financial problems, infidelity, abuse, addiction or simple incompatibility. We have yet to hear someone say that they got married with the intent of getting divorced; however, unfortunately, divorce is a reality.
One of the most important things when going through a divorce is to ensure that you have a good support system. Since every individual has different needs and issues, there is no one support system that will work for everyone. In addition to family and friends, the following are some resources for seeking support:
A trusted *Attorney is an essential part of the divorce process. The legal system can be confusing and overwhelming and just the language in court documents can be quickly misunderstood. Having legal advice during your divorce is invaluable and can save you a lot of money and despair post-divorce. Using your attorney for some of the stages of a divorce is not necessary and can become incredibly expensive if you are constantly just venting to your attorney.
A *Divorce Coach is a professional that specializes in helping people cope with the process of divorce. Since a divorce coach is familiar with the divorce process, they can utilize their experiences with others to assist you and offer helpful advice. A divorce coach can assist you with both short and long-term goals, some of which can extend beyond divorce.
- A Support Group can be a great alternative if you do not have any friends or family members to confide in. The feeling of knowing you are not alone may be the most helpful thing in a divorce and hearing stories from others and learning about their experiences may help you to cope. Even though every divorce is unique, there are some lessons that can be learned from others’ experiences. Divorces are a lot more similar than you would think. Do not be afraid to ask others what helped them. There any many support groups available and you don’t even have to leave the house. For example, Naked Divorce is an online program that offers resources for people going through a divorce. They offer rapid transformation retreats, real-time coaching programs, blogs on divorce topics and additional reading material to assist both you, your friends and family with guidance during a divorce.
- A Mental Health Professional, such as a counselor or therapist may be essential for you during a divorce. If you are struggling physically, mentally or emotionally, do not hesitate to seek the support of a mental health professional. A divorce can bring on traumatic physical and mental health impacts and can leave you feeling depressed, rejected, unloved, anxious and devoid of confidence. A divorce can bring on traumatic memories which have been buried for years and you may suddenly find yourself having to deal with these memories on top of the panic and stress of your divorce.
- A Certified Financial Planner or Accountant can play a critical role in providing a financial analysis to you and your attorney. They can offer professional opinions and provide written reports regarding the value of debts and/or assets. Not only will they be able to assist with analyzing a balanced division of the community estate, but they can also assist with a fair allocation of spousal and child support. A Certified Financial Planner or Accountant can also be helpful if either of the parties are not disclosing assets, are self-employed or if the estate contains a large amount of assets.
- Family and Friends can play a big part during a divorce. Do not be afraid to talk to friends or family who have been through a divorce. Wisdom can be gained from others who have personally gone through similar experiences. A divorce is nothing to be embarrassed about and if someone is making you feel that way, they may not be the person you need to be surrounded by during this time. At the beginning of a divorce, you may lose family and friends and you must remember that not every person in your life has the best interest of your family at heart. In a divorce, people will most likely take sides and that is okay.
Just remember, there will be some people that will not understand your situation. They may make you feel alienated, guilty or embarrassed. For that reason, it is important to choose your support system wisely. While it may be difficult, try to avoid discussing your divorce with people at your place of employment; doing so can create additional stress and workplace gossip. The last thing you want is to create a work environment in which your mind in constantly stuck in divorce or defense mode.
Whether you choose one of all the above support options, having supportive people around you will remind you that you are not alone in this difficult journey and can help to avoid feelings of isolation. While every person is different in how they cope with life changes, try to determine what activities help you take your mind off the situation. Whether you need to be out with friends or family or at home having time to yourself, try to shift your focus off the divorce when you can. Gradually, your mindset will begin to shift.
Remember, it is perfectly normal to experience feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and anger during this process. Divorce is a life-altering change, and you will absolutely go through turbulent emotions throughout the whole thing. Try your best to find and surround yourself with people that help you deal with all these complex emotions in a healthy manner and people that make you feel less overwhelmed during this process. At the end of all of this you may find that who you relied on for support during your divorce made a significant impact on the next phase of your life and the lives of your children. Going through a divorce may be stressful and traumatic, but it is not the end of your life and it is not the end of all relationships. While it is undisputed that divorce is a life change, it is only a temporary one and with a good support system you will get better.
