Divorcing a narcissist can be one of the most frustrating experiences one can face. Merriam-Webster defines a narcissist as an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance. Narcissists typically have an excessive preoccupation with themselves and their own needs, often at the expense of others.
At Graham Family Law, we have extensive experience working against narcissistic partners and are prepared for the unique challenges that come with divorcing a narcissistic person. Hiring the right attorney can be the key to keeping your emotional well-being and end up with the best results.
Practical Examples of Narcissistic personalities
Narcissists can be
- Exclusively focused on themselves
- Controlling
- Unwilling to take personal responsibility
- Overly entitled
- Offensive by belittling or demeaning others
- Frequently negative
- Frequently the ‘victim’ in any situation
- Overly critical of others
- Master manipulators
- Lacking in empathy
- Convinced they are the most important in any situation
- Skilled at making others feel guilt regardless of facts
Narcissistic Behavior & Tactics
Narcissists often exhibit selfish, manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive behaviors, making the divorce process miserable and emotionally draining for families.
Narcissists may employ tactics such as these to maintain control and inflict emotional pain.
- Delaying legal proceedings
- Making false accusations
- Financial manipulation
- Parental alienation
Delaying legal proceedings
Engaging in legal intimidation, narcissists may resort to the filing of excessive legal applications, cause unnecessary delays in proceedings, or put forth unreasonable requests. Their tactic is to exhaust you on both emotional and financial fronts, pressuring you to yield to their demands.
Making false accusations
A tactic often used by a narcissistic partner that can lead to severe damage is levying false accusations against you. These unfounded allegations can range from abuse, cheating, to financial mismanagement. Immediate and efficient action is crucial as such untrue accusations can have significant lawful implications.
Financial manipulation
Narcissistic partners are highly adept at financial deceit. Concealing assets, downplaying income, or exaggerating debts are just a few of the tactics they use to skew financial settlements in their favor.
Parental alienation
A narcissistic partner can inflict significant harm by using parental alienation as their go-to strategy. They cunningly distort the thought process and feelings of the children to sway them in their favor, giving them the upper hand in custody battles.
Phases of Narcissism
Narcissists typically go through several themes during a divorce, not necessarily in this order:
- Denial
- Anger and Retaliation
- Manipulation
- Playing the victim
- Discarding
Denial
Confronted with the possibility of divorce, a narcissist might initially reject the idea of the relationship’s conclusion. This denial is rooted in their exaggerated self-esteem and the perception that they are irreplaceable. In this initial stage, the narcissist might use various strategies to reassert control over the situation. Such strategies may involve assurances of transformation or the use of emotional maneuvers to cause you to doubt your choice.
“I can change babe… look I can grow past this… I’ll be a better person for you.”
Anger and Retaliation
As the truth of the imminent separation dawns, the narcissist’s actions typically transition towards fury and retribution. They could indulge in acts like yelling, denigration, and even physical hostility to scare you. The narcissist might amplify their harmful conduct, both mentally and on occasion physically. This is their way of retaliating against you for triggering the divorce or not accommodating their demands.
“This is all your fault… you did this and you did that… I was trying to keep us together.”
Manipulation
A frequently used strategy is gaslighting – tricking you into questioning your own recollections or decisions. The narcissist might reconfigure the narrative of your association to depict themselves as the injured party. Be prepared for the narcissist to launch a defamation crusade, disseminating untruths or overstated tales about you to acquaintances, relatives, and even legal authorities, to solicit compassion and backing. Maintaining a tight-knit group of friends and family will be crucial during this period.
Always bear in mind, anyone who falls for the defamation crusade was never a genuine friend to begin with.
“Because you did this, I had to do that. You’re a terrible person. You left me no choice but to do the things I did.”
Playing the Victim
During this stage, the individual with narcissistic tendencies modifies their approach, painting themselves as the aggrieved party. They may allege that they have been unjustly treated, misconstrued or wronged somehow. The person with such traits may look for empathy and recognition from shared acquaintances, relatives, or even experts such as psychiatrists or therapists, reinforcing their self-portrayal as a victim. They may also attempt to target your close acquaintances and family in a bid to dismantle your supportive networks.
“You’re going to leave ME broke and alone! This is all your fault.”
Moving On and Discarding
The narcissist doesn’t skip a beat after the divorce is finalized, quickly plunging into a new relationship as if they dismissed the past one from their memory. It’s worth noting, they’re destined to handle their new partner with the same disregard they demonstrated towards you in your relationship.
The narcissist might disregard former commitments, spanning financial, emotional, or child-related responsibilities, as they transition towards their next narcissistic supply. However, if court proceedings are still active, they’re likely to contest all of these persistently, to avoid revealing their neglect of responsibility.
Recap / Overview
The cycle of a narcissist divorce is a complex and emotionally draining process, fraught with various tactics designed to manipulate, control, and harm.
By understanding these phases, you can better prepare yourself for the challenges that lie ahead and take steps to protect your emotional and legal interests.
If you’re facing divorce, get Graham Family Law in your corner.
At Graham Family Law, we bring more than 20 years of experience to clients in San Antonio and the surrounding communities who need proven divorce and family law counsel. We are skilled trial attorneys who can protect your rights before a judge and jury. We are also respected within the legal community for our ability to negotiate effective settlements for our clients. Call us at 210-308-6448 or contact us by email to schedule a consultation today to learn how we can help you with legal issues concerning fathers’ rights.
Handling Divorce and Family Law Matters throughout San Antonio and the surrounding communities, including Bexar, Kendall, Floresville, Wilson, Atascosa, Hays, Comal and Guadalupe counties, as well as the municipalities of San Antonio, New Braunfels, Sequin, Helotes, Alamo Heights, Castle Hills, Balcones Heights, Converse, Shavano Park, Terrell Hills Boerne, Comfort and Floresville
